i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
