Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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