dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
