so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
