I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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