I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
