its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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