I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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