We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
