You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
