we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
