you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
