In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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