My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
