you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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