i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
