the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
