i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
