thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
