To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
