sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
