At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
