I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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