So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
