When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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