I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
