Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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