I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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