the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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