Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
