It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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