this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
