i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
