Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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