can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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