just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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