At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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