I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
