does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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