Screwed.edu
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
