I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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