While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
