He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
