I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
These tits shall not be calmed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
