cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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