i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
