you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've blown a few things in my day
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
