the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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