Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
