were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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